Its an emotional journey...

I can't count on both hands how many times I have heard..."Adoption is an emotional roller coaster journey!" Its true. Wednesday (and every other day) are prof. But Wednesday I was aware and I truly noticed! On Tues I had tried to reach our HS caseworker to verify the last piece of paper I needed for her. No return call. Wednesday I decided...I'm going to call her again and see if I need to drive 45 minutes to pick up this piece of paper or if I can do it myself. I called her again. No answer. I decided to plan as if I was going to get this piece of paper today and drive it to her. That is how bad I want to be done with HS paperwork! As I was stepping into the shower the phone rang and she told me I could do it myself! Wooohooo...quick shower, sat at the computer I wrote up this last piece of paper, got the kids ready to go and the doorbell rang. I thought it was my good friend Angie who maybe decided at the last minute to make the hour ride with me to deliever all of this HS paperwork...but it wasn't. It was my cousin Paula with a Starbuck Grande Vanilla latte in one hand and a gift bag in the other!!!! Starbucks is my favorite! What a great surprise! She got me a drink and a fancy smancy ceramic travel mug! This makes for a great day!!!! We visit for a short bit and then I remember I have to go to the church to make copies of all of this paperwork. Agh! (As I'm driving to the church the company I have been trying to order checks from for three days, calls and gives me more grief! Never have I had such a hard time ordering checks in my life!) I get to the office and start to make all of these copies and then the secretary walks in and saves me! She shows me how to really use this machine! Whip done! I set in the van and go through the papers one last time, makin sure every i is dotted and every t crossed and all the med forms are together etc. OH NO...one is missing! Then Eli chimes in from the backseat, "I have to poop!" So we climb back out and go to the rest room and I pop my head in the office and ask if I left a paper? Nope. I said, "maybe I left it under the lid?" during my attempts to make all the copies by myself. Sure enough...there it was! Whewwww. So we load back up...both kids have pottied, I have Starbucks in hand and ALL the HS paperwork, its time to make the hour trip to deliever this packet. 20 minutes out my mom calls. I ask her if she would like to join us. And she agrees. We wait 20 minutes for her at arrive at a central meeting point...its ok b/c I have tons of massage clients to return calls to. I was really dreading making this trip by myself b/c I was also going to pick up Z's birth certificate and go to the co-op to get some Hummus. Draggin the kids in and out of the van is no fun for anyone. Especially during nap times. Mom saves the day by tagging along. Its must have been real boring for them, but they were fantastic troopers. They got McD's for lunch and I had soup from Panera! Ofcourse they spill orange drink and fruit smoothie on the floor, but thats ok b/c we just dropped off all of our HS PAPERWORK. Complete. Done. We make it home. I get everyone inside and dive into the mail. I got a $40 bill from Charleston Appliance! He had been over the day before for less than 10 minutes to inform us that we blew a breaker! This is where it gets good (or at least I think so). I instantly get MAD. Really..he is going to charge me $40!!! I'm trying to adopt (ofcourse he doesn't know this)...how do people sleep at night charging others for...nothing! He didn't do any work! I called him and asked him if he would take $20 (willing to meet him 1/2 way...and I had already talked with Brett...he thought this was a good idea). I guess I'm a cheap scape. Nope he won't do it. So I take my not-very-happy self up to their store and pay my bill. Then I called my girlfriend to VENT. I get off the phone with her and take Micayla into the Ortho to get her second retainer fitted (another $86)...I'm still mad...now at Kayya too! Really people...do you know how much an adoption cost $25-30K....K! Grrrrr. Then almost instantly I realize what is happening. Satan is out to capture my spirit of joy...and it working! How could I let this happen? Especially when I just finished and delievered all of our hs paperwork? And my great cousin gave me a wonderful treat? And God has sent my Mom to help the long trip to go smoothly. It was so instant that he grabbed ahold and pulled me into self-pity and anger. Wow...I took a HUGE step back and gave God the glory for opening my eyes, and calming me. I also told my friend what was happening and told her all of this and gave God more glory. It was a black and white...ping pong kind of day. Ever have those? Where you feel like you are being bounced back and forth between Satan and God. We never really are...its our choice, but it can FEEL that way. How dare I allow Satan to get ahold of me for one minute over something so pathetic as money?! These two minor bills...$40 and $86 won't be the last of unexpected bills during this journey. And God knows all of that...he knows already where every cent is going to come from for this adoption. He even knows our African children already! I know that! I know that he brought us to this, he laid it on our hearts and HE will pull of through...in HIS strength, in HIS time, and with HIS power. HE will do it all and HE will get all the GLORY. The next day we deposited $700 into our adoption account. How is that for faithfulness?! Praise HIM.

Let me also be brutally honest with you. I'm 100% ugly stubborn selfish filthy spoiled rotten American Human...and the battle continues to rage. As I write this (now Sunday night...all of that happened last week) just hours ago I had a mini melt down over once again money! Not so much in regards to the adoption but just other stuff. So I was crying to my wonderful hubby stupid things like..."how come everything I need to buy is like over $100, why can't things just be $1 or $5...why is everything so expensive? Except for the garage sale tape I just bought...it was $1.50!" lol, I laugh now. How silly and foolish it is that we soo quickly forget! Almost like how quickly you forget how bad childbirth hurts. These are childbirth pains, emotional, not physical. Its also a major spiritual journey for me. God is teaching me to lean on Him, not my own understanding. He is refining me...everyday. And refining hurts! A friend once said...Gold is the product your get once its been refined. But it takes a lot of heat for it it transform. Or maybe you have heard the analogy that God trims your branches while He is the vine you are attached to. Prunning hurts! How true that is for me as well...but it is, what it is...and I'll take it. Only b/c I know WHO is ultimately in control. And I trust in HIM to be faithful and on the days when I struggle...I'm learning to pray more honestly and diligently. It doesn't matter where we are at...what we are going through...what are struggles, temptations, addictions, faults are...God just wants us to glorify HIM through it all.

I challege you to look for the opportunities God sets in your path today to give HIM glory. Like Pastor Scott preached this morning...they are there, you just got to look for them. I'm glad this past week I noticed.

In Him; Micah