Because this is the way its suppose to be!

(Look at that beautiful red in my kitchen! I love it!)

Yesterday was awful! I can't even pinpoint the one thing that made it that way. I was once again on my period (its on and off for a solid week), Eli was acting two instead of four...extrememly whiney and needy. Zahavah was acting out because Eli was fussy. All the while I'm looking at this mountain of paperwork trying to figure out how to get everything notorized and authenticated at the proper time so nothing expires while we are in Ethiopia...since our homestudy is not complete yet! Which was grating on my nerves...BADLY! And even at that...it doesn't really matter till our homestudy is complete because its only then...that we will take stuff in to get authenticated. Whew!
And Satan was attacking me emotionally....I mean who in the world really feels like they are worthy of adopting an orphan? Not I! And at that we are still trying to figure out if we should adopt one child or two?! A year ago...Brett and I were hands down willing to adopt two. (A year ago our children were all a year younger too...seems strange that we would now reconsider since they are older). And now...I struggle with fears, the unknowns, my worth, my ability. I hit the message boards to talk to other moms...and THANK GOD...this is normal. I'm not the first to contemplate all those things...they too have been where I am at. They were so encouraging. I love it when I get affirmation to what I am already feeling...and yesterday I felt Satan was attacking...and HE WAS, because that is the way its suppose to be when you are working on behalf of God's orphans. Satan will be out to feed you as many lies as you are willing to believe! He does not want God's orphans taken care of....ever!
Today is much better. I'm fasting from sugar and sweets. Straight up black coffee for me! :) And the kids are worlds better too. You have to have the dark days to appreciate the bright ones.
So today...I managed to get my kitchen clean...and if you know what my kitchen usually looks like...then you know why it took a good chunk of the morning to get it looking tidy! Took pictures of it from several different angles for our dossier (Ethiopia paperwork). Patted myself on the back and accepted that there is no way on God's green earth I'm going to do any of the other room they want to see...today. Forget it! I will go to the court house today and pick up four certified birth certificates and our home assessment from the housing people. Again...pattin myself on the back that I accomplished something today in regards to this marathon we are running (aka international adoption).
I spoke with Daniel (from our adoption agency) today...first time ever, typically its just emails between us. He was very kind. Then later I spoke with Diane (from our homestudy agency)...we love her! She is so sweet and a chatty cathy like me!!! So we hit it off great. She said if all our ducks are in a row and all the paperwork comes together quicker than usual, then she was ok with moving our homestudy appts up!!! This is great news. This means...I can start applying for grants sooner than later! And...that also means we can work Dossier stuff quicker as well (although that is not my hurry b/c that paperwork seems very daunting and makes me very nervous...every i has to be dotted right and every t has to be crossed correctly or its all worth nothing and void). YIKES!